The Occupy Movement Solved… As Documented on a Cocktail Napkin….

Nadia Ibrahim — Fri, 09 Dec 2011 21:49:46 +0000

The Occupy Movement…. Where to start? Well I will tell you I am typically angered and annoyed with my tax dollars being diverted from people who rely on said monies to people who wish to camp on the sidewalk. With that said, I am for colleges and universities allowing students to do some educational type version of the Occupy Movement. Case and point; Harvard. Really Harvard children, you are probably, most definitely, going to make a kabillion (yes I mathematically figured that out, because I am thorough and take this blogging business seriously), more dollars over your life time than I will in two life times but yet I still support your right to experiment and push your social boundaries as a student in a safe, secure, higher education environment. However, now that I have to walk around Harvard instead of through the yard to get to work every day you better be protesting your little behinds off and sleeping in those damn tents all night! I digress…

So how to fix the Occupy Movement as documented on a cocktail napkin you ask? This came about quit simply. It is the brain child of when highly educated, widely intelligent people get together, drink, and play trivia. Play is the wrong word which implies that we are having fun. War? That implies there is a chance we will lose, and I assure you, we do not. So I will take a page out of Jean Luc Picard’s book and say we “engage” in trivia. Again, I digress…

Anyway, there was a general consensus the past couple of weeks on a way we fix/solve/get rid of/appease the Occupiers (and to get our tax dollars back into the hands of oh I don’t know, veterans, old people (technical term) and poor little children (technical term=brats) of our city. We get them jobs! I know novel idea. However, we have drawn from some of the most founded, vetted, and grounded research out there in order to achieve this… it’s called Netflix.

Ok, picture it, two movies, possibly two of the best movies of all time may I add, are step by step business plans on how to get people jobs. May I present She-Devil circa 1989 starring Roseanne Barr, Meryl Streep, and Ed Begley Jr. and The First Wives Club circa 1996 starring Bette Midler, Goldie Hawn, and Diane Keaton. Let me break this down for you.

Basic premise of She-Devil is Roseanne, a clever and resourceful housewife vows revenge on her husband when he begins an affair with a wealthy romance novelist, cue Meryl. Ultimately, she achieves this… oh right, spoilers ahead!!! But really its 2011, almost 12, and if you haven’t seen She-Devil than I cannot help you… Anyways, Rosie realizes that she should help women like her and opens up an employment agency in New York City. She buys a run-down building, because you know capital and land was so bountiful in 1989, and through much advertisement, the agency is packed on its very first day in business. Ruth begins to form her own army of women, getting them jobs as data processors, bank tellers, and court reporters all over the city. In the movie’s closing, Ruth is shown walking down the street in the World Trade Center neighborhood, wearing current styles and her hair nicely done, surrounded by women wearing the Vesta Rose agency pin they received upon joining Ruth’s “army.”

Now see here, if Roseanne Barr can do it in New York City of all places… then come on Occupiers you can too! And you get to be surrounded by women, hair nicely done, and wearing current styles… I think that meets most of the demands you have set… or not set, it’s hard to tell really. But just in case you aren’t sold on this model, let me introduce the First Wives Clubs.

Oh ladies. How I love thee, let me know count the ways. In case you weren’t sold on Bette, Goldie, and Diane did I mention Dame Maggie Smith, Elizabeth Berkeley, and SJP were in it too? Ok, basic premise: All three women are dumped for other/younger ladies by their husbands. They decide to take revenge on them. Of course they succeed (insert comment on spoiler alert from above, again if you haven’t seen this movie I cannot help you) Deciding that revenge would make them no better than their husbands, they instead use these situations to push their men (exploit) into funding the establishment of a non-profit organization dedicated to aiding abused women, centering mostly around jobs, therapy, etc.

So with this model we need to find some people we can exploit. Again, this movie took place in NYC, apparently women are just buying up all kinds of buildings with all sorts of extra money lying about and making jobs happen! I think Occupiers would like this… Anyways, some people I was thinking of… all politicians, really republican candidates who have dropped out of the presidential race for one reason or another, mostly you Herman Cain… umm who else? Donald Trump, hey the man has money… NBA players and owners, they have free time on their hands so I understand… Regis Phibin, dude is retired now and has worked his whole life, he has cash… and finally I think we should exploit some money out of the cereal cartoons… Honestly where does all that money go? Lucy Charms man has got to be living large by now…

So in conclusion, because it’s the end of the work day on a Friday and I’m not staying here one minute past 5pm, I think this is a realistic and achievable plan to fix the Occupy Movement. We are going to need buildings, money, and people to exploit and blackmail into getting us those things, but I think it can work. If you have ideas or have proposals on more people to exploit, and really you should always keep a running list, please let me know below in the comment section. If no further comments, you are welcome America as we have just fixed the Occupy Movement and save kabillions of dollars. And yes, that amount has been mathematically, statistically, and all around-ally been verified.

Where to Start? How about the End?

Nadia Ibrahim — Mon, 21 Nov 2011 17:09:42 +0000

I have been asked, told, bribed, and in some instances held hostage with a finger gun, about starting a blog. My typical response after “No one would read it” is “Why and what am I trying to accomplish?”. Typical answer to that is “Well you are funny and lots of funny people blog.” Well, yes, this is true to those who state the obvious, but is who we are summed up in one word? Because I am “funny” I can not be serious? An agent of change or education? I can not have deep, complex emotional observances of the world around me? While this blog will hopefully provide some comic relief, to those who know me best hopefully LOTS of relief, but the end goal is a linguistic manifestation of my thoughts, my ideas, my comments, my arguments, and most importantly, my values and ideals. How to start or what this will look like remains to be seen, but the end is quit clear to me.

With that said, I dedicate this blog to the professional, personal, and all around social growth of, you guessed it, me! We will explore the trials and tribulations of a student becoming the teacher and finally seeing behind the curtain. Sometimes peeking with the fabric pulled ever so slightly over my eyes and sometimes throwing it wide open. Either way, the show is about to start.

behind_the_curtian

The Occupy Movement Solved… As Documented on a Cocktail Napkin….

Where to Start? How about the End?